There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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