i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
