don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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