he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
