i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
