I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
