Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's Friday. Sex?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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