I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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