Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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