dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
