There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
