Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
