she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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