im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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