i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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