Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the condom got lost in my hair
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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