the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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