I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
