FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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