tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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