i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
