Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
