Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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