kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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