im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
