I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I will pee on everything he values.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
