bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
