Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
