I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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