Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
