she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
