either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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