you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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