dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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