At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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