shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
