Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
