and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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