This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
