Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
