woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
