dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
