look no pants
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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