I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is Oprah even human
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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