You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
