I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just pee around me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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