I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
