I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
