rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
