i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
