i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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