So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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