I just threw up on my dentist
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
